500-word version:
There are, of course, other ostensibly mundane functions of the string that are, upon deeper thought, essential to our ways of life as well as to our existence: first-string, second-string, G-string, the string bikini, the string bean, the DNA double helix, and string data in computer science and other equations...

315-word version:

Dear future roommate,

...Ramen is an efficient, delicious, and cheap edible string that consists of 350 kcal of burnable nutrients per cup. Although my parents advise me to stop eating the Styrofoam cup lunch because it is not really healthy, the 350 kcal snack is too convenient, too delicious to give up...